"Do You Know What School I Went To??"

It is a waste of time and energy to recount what happened last night to lead some strange woman to shout at my friends "do you know what school I went to?" after she had already called me stupid. It is interesting to think about why someone would say something like this:

1. Because (s)he is immature -- maybe at age 22, this is still a factor in someone's life
2. Because (s)he is losing an argument -- not sure where this would ever work, but maybe it has before
3. Because (s)he went to some place other than Harvard (I'm relatively certain that most people who went to Harvard don't run around shouting it to win arguments, based on the people I do know who went there) and (s)he has some sort of complex
4. Because (s)he is an idiot and thinks this proves (s)he is not

I have to say, now in my early 30's, this declaration/question/statement didn't have much of a positive effect on what I thought of her. In fact, after the drama was over and my friend and I were in a cab on the way home, we laughed and mocked this girl over and over for saying such an inane thing because she didn't get her way. I'm hoping she is young and will learn to not say this again, but...not holding my breath.

My cat went to Princeton.

Lunch blogging -- I won't vote for McCain just because his VP is a Woman

Republicans must think women are stupid. How else to explain that they just nominated Alaska governor Sarah Palin as VP despite her questionable views on just about every issue most American women find important.

We already went over this -- we don't just vote based on gender. Remember all the female Obama voters during the primary season?

First and foremost she's rabidly anti-choice. Right there 50% of women don't agree with her, if not more.

Then there is the issue of her odd hatred for the polar bear (more on her haterness). She supports off shore drilling and drilling in ANWR.

Anti-choice, anti-environment, pro-oil...

In spite of all these patently offensive positions, the GOP still thinks my only criterion (single, plural is criteria) is her gender.

We all knew the GOP was out of touch but this is just ridiculous. McCain is against equal pay for women. No chance women will be fooled because he picked a woman as his VP.

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Other Bloggers Comment on a Death of a Parent

One reason I've started writing about my dad's death, other than it being relatively recent, is to connect with others who have experienced the same thing. It's hard to find it at my age. The Internet makes it possible. Today I was doing some browsing and found this posting, from earlier this week:

I think of him, his gift of life, his jokes and sayings, and our treasure of his fatherhood. This has been a good year—he would want us to: celebrate–enjoy life–take care of one another and not be sad—and let our hearts remember and retain his humor, his light, his devotion and generosity.

The author is an author by trade, and writes poetry. I kept searching and found a woman who lost her father when she was 27, is now in her 30's and rescues dogs. For whatever reason, this bit of community reminded me that while day-to-day living is not in itself bad, it is possible to do great things with your life after losing your father.

Lunch line Blogging -- Public Service Announcement on Behalf of People Who Have Lost a Parent

I would never presume to understand what it is like for a teenager, child, or middle aged person to lose his/her father. However, I do have some insight into a person in his/her 30's. This message goes out to all those people who have a friend in this situation and don't know what to say. Please just say "I'm sorry for your loss". It is hurtful to compare the loss to your dog's or grandma's death. I've lost both plus my father, and it is completely different than the enormous loss of a parent. I know you don't know what to say, but saying nothing is better than acting like you can understand. You can't.
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Nightmares about a Dead Parent

I had another dream starring my dad, and again, in the dream I knew he was dead and questioned others about how he could be speaking with us. Kind of a sad dream, but I'm not alone. For 64 weeks, I've wanted to see him again. This New York Times article from last year has been on my mind:

Grief itself is transformative. It is a process of disassembly. The bereaved must let go of the selves they were, as well as the loved ones they have lost. The dreams we have while grieving are an important part of that process.

“Our dreams have to do with how we internalize the people we love,” said Pamela McCarthy, director of counseling services at Smith College. “You learn to look within for the loved one and the particular function that person played in your life, such as caretaking or guidance in the case of a parent. This becomes part of a function that you can provide for yourself.”

Cultural narratives in regions like Vietnam and North and South America assign special importance to such dreams and consider them actual encounters with the spirits of lost loved ones.

Is it his spirit? Only in that it is him living on in his child. The learning to do for myself what he used to do for me is more complicated. After a loved one is gone, the tendency is to idealize everything about the person. The question I ask myself is, what did he do for me, and what do I need to learn to do for myself. I know his hopes for me, but I'm still working out how to be for myself what he was for me. It's a process, and even though these dreams aren't easy to digest, I think going through them may in the end help me figure out where I go from here.

Lunch blog 2 -- Michelle Obama's Speech

Much has already been said about the speech. I won't rehash it here, other than to say that I hear women upset because they think she had to be almost a caricature of a traditional woman. Men focus more on her excellent execution of strategy -- not being an angry woman as she's been portayed. I am sympathetic to both sides' arguments, but...

I think is in unfair to assume she held something back. The point is we don't know her. We can't assume she is angry, or she is outspoken, or that if she had her way she would've given a different speech. She gave her speech with specific tactics in mind. On that measure, she was wildly successful. Even better, she allowed those at home watching to identify with her. Thst may not have been the campaign's target, but in that I think she was the most brilliant. Goodbye ridiculous elitist label.

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Watching TV on my cell phone

During the NCAA tourney this year, there were a few folks bragging about watching the games on their mobile phones. I was extraordinarily jealous and it fed into my desire to watch UCLA on my phone. I could not understand why people in Japan could watch TV on their phones and we in America can't. Turns out our mobile network just isn't fast enough for that sort of bandwidth-suck yet. The good news is Japan has decided to market their cell network abroad. Here's hoping they can help the US.

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The Convention

As usual, the convention is primarily hype. As such, am looking forward to the ultimate buzz -- Obama's Thursday night acceptance speech.
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Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Will be mobile blogging for the next few weeks, probably during my lunch break. These posts will be easy to find, as they'll say "Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry" at the end of each one. Classy.

McCain and His Houses

A lot has been made of John McCain's inability to remember how many houses he and his wife own. Some have said it shows he is an elitist. Others have said it proves he is senile. Most agree it proves one or the other. (Favorite)

Let me be the first to argue it is both.

He is clearly an elitist if he doesn't know how many houses he has, come on. Even putting him in the class of people who have two homes is at least upper middle class. It's when you get above that level that you would want to hide it by pretending you can't recall how many you have total. McCain is not doing that. He can't remember because he and his wife keep buying homes they don't need. Seriously. Newsweek said seven residences earlier, Politico confirmed eight today. Apparently they have two condos in the same building. I'm not even going to try to pretend I know what rich people think and thus can fathom a guess as to why you'd want two condos in a single building.

Second, even an elitist would probably know how many houses he or she had because they were selected for a reason. They needed one home near to DC, one in Arizona, a cabin for vacation, etc. For most of us, one is probably the best we can hope for, near work, but... McCain couldn't remember, so he guessed four. I say "guess" because I don't think he could remember. Maybe he went back to a time when they did have four. One thing that happens when dementia starts to set in is the loss of short term memory (c.f. McCain referring to "Czechoslovakia"). One remembers things from 15 years ago in dramatic detail, but not what happened five minutes prior to the present. It now turns out four is half of the real total. There may be more to come. It's a senior moment. It shows he isn't dealing with the problems of average Americans. Let's call it what it is: both elitism and dementia.

Confirmation of Pests, and an Outrageous Insult

First, spoke with a classmate today, and he confirmed that two of our classmates completely dominate the class and ruin it for everyone else. Today I had a question and a fellow classmate who can't learn shouted until I could ask my question. Very nice.

I tried to find an online resource to guide me in dealing with this scourge on our Japanese class, but none exist.

Second, I took a cab back from class to save time. Total cost was $7.50 after the outrageous dollar gas tax for a ride that was...3.5 miles. I gave the taxi driver 50 cents tip. Apparently that was an egregious insult and he refused to take the money. He said "you keep it, I don't need it." As it turns out, that's the cost of my morning Pepsi. I took it with pleasure. Jerk.

John McCain's Current Stump Speech

If you've managed to stay awake for more than 10 seconds while listening to Republican Presidential candidate John McCain, it's pretty obvious that he's got a great speech writer. A speech writer with whom I don't agree on pretty much anything, but one who can certainly work those talking points. Too bad McCain delivers it with the same gusto I use when describing dental appointments.

I've heard bits and pieces of it over the last two days. One, he says that we absolutely must drill into every extra bit of untouched land in the United States if we want gas for less than $20 a gallon. I'm not even going to bother disproving this, because it is asinine and others before me have explored the subject in great detail. Rather, I am more focused on what he continues to say after this: "anyone who tells you any differently is either inexperienced and doesn't understand the current situation, or is lying to you."

This is basically the playground equivalent of calling Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama a "poopy head", and when Obama responds, saying "I know you are but what am I?"

I know that standards of political campaigning aren't particularly high these days, but this line of attack strikes me as particularly desperate. Does McCain really think he's going to be able to dispute every point Obama makes in each of their three debates with this little ditty? It is a weak, weak debate tactic.

I'm going to hope that McCain's campaign team are smart enough to realize in a debate, this is going to look like what it is -- a dodge of the issue. Of every single issue. But will the scripted responses be any better? What if an issue comes up and McCain has to go off the cuff?

I'm going to bet the McCain team is already dreading the debates.

Every time I hear McCain speak, I wonder what happened to the maverick he supposedly used to be.

Why Young Adults Who Lose a Dad May Not Go on a Bender

I continue to read Death of a Parent by Debra Umberson. My last post about the book mentioned her research pointed to grieving adult children of recently deceased fathers increasing their alcohol consumption. I felt this must be oversimplified because I hadn't found that it applied to me or any of the others I've known who've lost their dads.

As I continued in the book, she qualified her statement to say the exception to that rule were married folks or adult children age 46 or younger. Light bulb. Okay.

Her reasoning is that us young folks (I am unmarried) perceive the death as a warning sign that our actions today could negatively impact our health as it did our dad. This resonated with me. When my father took a turn for the worst, I did in fact immediately alter my eating and drinking habits. A friend whose dad passed away a few years before me started exercising more. Anecdotal, but telling.

However, Umberson's justification for this change was our fathers died young. I think my dad died young, but objectively, he was three weeks away from age 70. That's not really young. I find myself coming back to this point again and again, and I'll be curious to see if it is addressed in the book. While I am young, my father did not die at an unusually (or statistically) young age.

Over the last year as I've grieved his death and come to terms with it, I have considered the issue of older men fathering children. Studies are now coming out saying an older father can increase the risk of children having autism. Expect to see additional scientific research that shows the negative effects increased paternal age can have on offspring, but don't expect anyone to consider the fate of a child whose parents die when they are young. Our numbers will increase as women and men continue to start families at later ages. The battle will come down to the immediate and obvious effects such as the increased likelihood of Down's syndrome. I certainly don't think couples shouldn't be allowed to have kids if one or both breeders are above a certain age. But I will watch this ongoing dialogue with a decidedly different point of view.

New Conor Oberst Album Out

Yes, I already have it. Some reviews have said that he's trying too hard to define himself by this album, given his name is the title. Some have even gone as far as to say he sounds like he's imitating artists he wants to be like. (That was in the Washington Post Express today, but can't find the article online. Grr.)

It's true. In some songs he sounds like Tom Petty, one Bob Dylan, one a country My Chemical Romance. For the most part though, he sounds like Bright Eyes, so himself.

It's a weird album, but I have a penchant for his more acoustic work. My opinions may change over the next few listens, but for now, my favorites are:

1. I Don't Want to Die (In the Hospital)
2. Moab
3. Souled Out!!
4. Milk Thistle
5. Lenders in the Temple

My for-fun language class is turning into a nightmare

I've been taking a Japanese language class for fun to keep my mind occupied until college football starts. However, this freakish gunner in my class is ruining it for me.

Let me back up. The class is an adult learning class offered through a Japanese American society. Most people in the class are taking it because they read a lot of manga or watch a lot of anime. This is not a high intensity thing, but... for some reason my class has been invaded by this "woman" who insists on shouting out the answer to every question.

She isn't a native English speaker, and even I can tell her Japanese accent is off. So not only does she scream out sentences while the rest of the class is trying to repeat them, she throw us all off with her messed up accent.

Today, a true gunner, a guy who wants the language class on his application for law school, tried to shout over her. She looked really stupid. But she didn't seem to realize it. She continued to try to impress the teacher and the class with her great knowledge of Japanese.

Not sure why anyone would think the folks in our class are going to be impressed, but I'm relatively certain my classmates would agree with me that she is annoying, but also so desperate for attention that she dominates this class.

At this point I do most of my learning outside of class. We had a substitute teacher the past few sessions, and she managed to control the gunner by going through exercises and having us individually answer.

Going Deep into Virginia for a Memorial Service

As if I needed any additional reasons to love my boss, when I told him I needed a day off to travel into Virginia for my half sibling's mother's memorial service and scattering of ashes, he immediately said "Of course. Family first." Family first, indeed.

Decades ago, both of my parents divorced their first spouses. My dad's ex wife moved my older sister and brother to Texas from Chicago. My mom says that my dad cried many a night because he missed his kids so much. My dad was such a softie. My parents later married and moved to the San Francisco Bay Area. As a child, I just knew that my dad hated every single Texas sports team, without fail. I wasn't exactly briefed on the particulars.

I didn't really get to know my older sister and brother (technically half brother and sister, though I never call them that) until I was older. By then they had families and lives in different states, but they were always great to me, despite all they had to do. Over the past few years as our dad died, we saw each other more. I came to really depend on their good natures as things were tough, they made me smile where I otherwise would've cried.

The day after the year anniversary of dad's death, my older brother and sister's mother died. There were four sisters in her family, one died many years ago of cancer. She had her ashes spread near her childhood home, deep in Virginia near the Appalachian Trail (and probably the Smokies too). This is where my siblings' mom wanted her ashes spread. So, despite what happened in the past, my siblings invited me to meet them down there for the memorial, so that we could see each other. I am going. In some way, I think it will help in my grief process for my dad.