My 2008 Lessons Learned Suck

What I'm taking away from this year will probably be refined and revisited many times, not just in 2009, but for years to come. I wish these could be more positive, but it is amazing how much easier it has been for me to move through life knowing the following.

1. Friendship doesn't mean drama. I wish I'd learned this in 2003, but better now than later. I lost some good friends this year, and I miss them. But the truth is, they brought the drama. All the time. Needlessly. Drama is stressful. I now seek out friends who go with the ebb and flow of life. Not those who decide they don't like someone based on one meeting and three throwaway comments. Or people that diss on my good friends and can't keep it to themselves.

2. Relationships don't have to mean drama. The line between relationship conversation and drama is thin, thin, thin, but based on a boy I knew this year, I think I have a better idea where that line should be. Relationships aren't easy, and certainly there is work involved. But when every time you see someone, they pick fights and cause problems, that's not putting in the work. That's a drama queen. And I'm no longer dating those sorts of men.

3. Overly defensive people suck. Yup, I'm thinking of a few friends in particular. I'm not perfect, I get defensive. But I certainly try to notice when I am being that way. Some of the best feedback I've received in my life has come when I've dropped the defensive bit. Unfortunately, some of the stupidest, most immature feedback I've received this year has come from people who are being overly defensive. It gets really old, and inspires me to change as well as to reconsider friendships.

4. People don't change. I don't mean this in some cheesy failed love affair way. Unless there is a major life event, most people shift slightly but don't make radical changes. Sadly that means there are a lot of immature people out there.

5. Always put yourself first. This could mean so many things. It has come to my attention that my darkest hour so far in life, my father's death, was a period that I got through solely on my own. Friends pushed me to talk to them more, or to a therapist, and just could not take the hint that they were doing the opposite of helping me. Others disappeared. Others pushed their own (often religious) agenda. I have never felt more alone. The end of 2008 saw me putting this idea of me first into practice. I still care about my friends and am happy to be there, but there is a limit. I wouldn't classify myself as a pushover, but I am limiting what I give now.

6. Liberal guilt is bullsh*t. I'm not saying it doesn't exist, I'm not saying I don't feel it every now and again. But the truth is, it doesn't help. I try now to take what I can from it, and to remember that just because I feel guilty, it doesn't mean I did something wrong.

7. Family is joy. There, I said it. My mom, brothers and sisters, their kids, spouses, boyfriends and girlfriends make my life a happier thing.

8. Everything is better with Obama as President.

9. Even with everything being perfect, I still can't sleep. I have chronic insomnia. Not the sort where I can't fall asleep. No no no, the sort where I wake up after five hours of sleep. This is not healthy, and contributes to all sorts of manifestations of bad health, from migraines to attention issues. Because most insomniacs can't fall asleep, there really isn't a lot of research put in to how to stay asleep. I'm doing that research alone, and planning to report on it on my blog in 2009.