Why Young Adults Who Lose a Dad May Not Go on a Bender

I continue to read Death of a Parent by Debra Umberson. My last post about the book mentioned her research pointed to grieving adult children of recently deceased fathers increasing their alcohol consumption. I felt this must be oversimplified because I hadn't found that it applied to me or any of the others I've known who've lost their dads.

As I continued in the book, she qualified her statement to say the exception to that rule were married folks or adult children age 46 or younger. Light bulb. Okay.

Her reasoning is that us young folks (I am unmarried) perceive the death as a warning sign that our actions today could negatively impact our health as it did our dad. This resonated with me. When my father took a turn for the worst, I did in fact immediately alter my eating and drinking habits. A friend whose dad passed away a few years before me started exercising more. Anecdotal, but telling.

However, Umberson's justification for this change was our fathers died young. I think my dad died young, but objectively, he was three weeks away from age 70. That's not really young. I find myself coming back to this point again and again, and I'll be curious to see if it is addressed in the book. While I am young, my father did not die at an unusually (or statistically) young age.

Over the last year as I've grieved his death and come to terms with it, I have considered the issue of older men fathering children. Studies are now coming out saying an older father can increase the risk of children having autism. Expect to see additional scientific research that shows the negative effects increased paternal age can have on offspring, but don't expect anyone to consider the fate of a child whose parents die when they are young. Our numbers will increase as women and men continue to start families at later ages. The battle will come down to the immediate and obvious effects such as the increased likelihood of Down's syndrome. I certainly don't think couples shouldn't be allowed to have kids if one or both breeders are above a certain age. But I will watch this ongoing dialogue with a decidedly different point of view.