Metrolink Blogging: The Nature of Suffering

I'm sitting on the Metrolink, on my way to LA, reading The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama. So much could be said and written about many different ideas expressed in this book. I'm going to focus on one small point related to suffering after the death of a loved one.

The book's author interviews the DL and recounts his exact words as well as expands on the opinions the DL expresses. In a chapter on suffering, the author asks the Dalai Lama how he dealt with the death of his brother. The DL recounts his feelings of sadness and guilt for not having been there, feelings I can definitely understand. He goes on to say that after a few weeks of suffering through his grief, he learned to focus he thoughts on his brother's wishes, which would certainly not have been for the DL to feel sadness and regret. The DL resolved to remember his brother by honoring his wish for the DL to carry out his (the brother's) wishes. This really spoke to me. I think I turned a huge corner in my grief when I learned to think of how upset my dad would've been about my grief for him. I sat and wrote out what he would've wanted for my life -- the big things like a life partner and a healthy lifestyle -- and I go back to that when I miss him and his counsel.

The DL went on to say folks shouldn't try to blame anyone, others, the dead, or themselves, for how they feel in their grief. That was harder for me to accept, because it meant I had to forgive people who had said unintentionally cruel things in the wake of my dad's death. It is not their fault they hurt me with their thoughtless comments, and it is important for my emotional health that I get to a place where I can feel compassion for them again. In some respects I have done this on an aggregate basis, but it probably makes a lot of sense to focus on forgiving specific people for specific remarks. My dad certainly wouldn't want me to hold onto it anymore.


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Melatonin Results

I've been taking melatonin this week to try to "stay asleep", which is what my version of insomnia chiefly prevents. So far, I've just had more nightmares than usual. When I purchased the melatonin, this was mentioned as a side effect. I scoffed at it because I have nightmares frequently, probably about two times a week.

It was no joke though. I've had nightmares all week, the first one being so freaky that even when I woke up it took several minutes to believe I was awake and that the dream wasn't in fact real.

I did a little digging on the Internet to uncover just how frequently this is listed as a side effect. This is what I found:

1. Google Answers: Long term side effects unknown, short term seem to be headaches, sleepy fog all day, and other various things that all suggest insomnia.

2. Mayo Clinic: Minimally effective for insomnia, better for jet lag.

3. Herbal Supplement Guide: Side effects can include headaches, nausea, nightmares, and dizziness.

4. Medicine Net seems to suggest I should give it at least another night as it is usually not effective for the first few days.

Honestly, it worked like a dream the first night I took it, when I took it right before bed. Otherwise, it doesn't seem to do anything for me. I think it is not the right solution for me. Perhaps it worked the first night because I had jet lag from the flight out to Cali from the east coast. To give it a full trial, I will take it again tonight and consider taking it through until I'm back on east coast time. At least that will give it a full week trial and test it on both jet lag and insomnia. If it works for jet lag, why not take it for that?!

Photo taken by flickr user size8jeans.

My 2008 Lessons Learned Suck

What I'm taking away from this year will probably be refined and revisited many times, not just in 2009, but for years to come. I wish these could be more positive, but it is amazing how much easier it has been for me to move through life knowing the following.

1. Friendship doesn't mean drama. I wish I'd learned this in 2003, but better now than later. I lost some good friends this year, and I miss them. But the truth is, they brought the drama. All the time. Needlessly. Drama is stressful. I now seek out friends who go with the ebb and flow of life. Not those who decide they don't like someone based on one meeting and three throwaway comments. Or people that diss on my good friends and can't keep it to themselves.

2. Relationships don't have to mean drama. The line between relationship conversation and drama is thin, thin, thin, but based on a boy I knew this year, I think I have a better idea where that line should be. Relationships aren't easy, and certainly there is work involved. But when every time you see someone, they pick fights and cause problems, that's not putting in the work. That's a drama queen. And I'm no longer dating those sorts of men.

3. Overly defensive people suck. Yup, I'm thinking of a few friends in particular. I'm not perfect, I get defensive. But I certainly try to notice when I am being that way. Some of the best feedback I've received in my life has come when I've dropped the defensive bit. Unfortunately, some of the stupidest, most immature feedback I've received this year has come from people who are being overly defensive. It gets really old, and inspires me to change as well as to reconsider friendships.

4. People don't change. I don't mean this in some cheesy failed love affair way. Unless there is a major life event, most people shift slightly but don't make radical changes. Sadly that means there are a lot of immature people out there.

5. Always put yourself first. This could mean so many things. It has come to my attention that my darkest hour so far in life, my father's death, was a period that I got through solely on my own. Friends pushed me to talk to them more, or to a therapist, and just could not take the hint that they were doing the opposite of helping me. Others disappeared. Others pushed their own (often religious) agenda. I have never felt more alone. The end of 2008 saw me putting this idea of me first into practice. I still care about my friends and am happy to be there, but there is a limit. I wouldn't classify myself as a pushover, but I am limiting what I give now.

6. Liberal guilt is bullsh*t. I'm not saying it doesn't exist, I'm not saying I don't feel it every now and again. But the truth is, it doesn't help. I try now to take what I can from it, and to remember that just because I feel guilty, it doesn't mean I did something wrong.

7. Family is joy. There, I said it. My mom, brothers and sisters, their kids, spouses, boyfriends and girlfriends make my life a happier thing.

8. Everything is better with Obama as President.

9. Even with everything being perfect, I still can't sleep. I have chronic insomnia. Not the sort where I can't fall asleep. No no no, the sort where I wake up after five hours of sleep. This is not healthy, and contributes to all sorts of manifestations of bad health, from migraines to attention issues. Because most insomniacs can't fall asleep, there really isn't a lot of research put in to how to stay asleep. I'm doing that research alone, and planning to report on it on my blog in 2009.

December Music Review

UCLA absolutely pulverized Wyoming yesterday, breaking the record for most points scored under Coach Ben Howland by 17! Instead of analyzing a game that is obviously somewhat of an outlier (though it is useful in preparing UCLA for uptempo teams), I decided to write a post about all the music I purchased in December. Most of it is older music that just recently piqued my interest.

1. Chasing Cars single -- Snow Patrol. Why in the world did I buy this song? After about 1.5 listens, I remembered why I didn't buy it when it initially came out -- the song is lyrically weak, and musically unremarkable. Waste of 99 cents plus the new iTunes tax.

2. Several songs by Memphis. I fell in love with I Dreamt We Fell Apart over the Thanksgiving vacation. On the strength of that single, I went ahead and downloaded Incredibly Drunk on Whiskey, Into the Wild, In the Cinema Alone, The Night Watchman, and Time Away. The whiskey song is a playful song written about a drunken high school era night. The rest are pensive, melancholic songs. The Night Watchman pulls a Stars and stops for a good ten seconds before starting a completely different song after a long period of silence. All in all, I have become a fan of this band, but not to the point where I would purchase an entire album.

3. Get Up and Please, Please, Please by James Brown. Get Up is a classic James Brown, and the other I have not been able to get through once yet. It was on my iTunes wish list, probably by mistake.

4. Suspension by Mae. I really like this song, but it is cheesy. It starts off really weak, the first chorus just doesn't flow as it should. From there, the song greatly improves and becomes a perfect emo pop anthem, with a twist -- it's a happy love song.

5. Let Me In and No, Not Now by Hot Hot Heat. These two songs are from two different albums, and very different from the other songs I own off of the Make Up the Breakdown album -- specifically Bandages and Naked in the City. This is odd because NNN is from that same album. Hot Hot Heat hasn't been entirely consistent -- an optimist would say their sound is evolving, a pessimist that they are trying to create a sound that sells. I haven't figured out which it is yet, but for a band with several albums, I only like a limited few songs.

6. Cause=Time by Broken Social Scene. I have listened to this song three times since purchasing it a week ago. I like the lyrics, but I just don't feel this song. It almost sounds like a Weezer song rejected from the Make Believe album. Except the lyrics are too clever for that. I don't know what to do with this song.

7. Wordless Chorus by My Morning Jacket. This song is so chill, and very unlike most of MMJ's other work. I haven't figured out the perfect time to listen to this song yet, it feels like a lazy morning song, but it is so relaxed it might be better for a pre-nap Sunday afternoon.

To be continued...

Blackberry Coveroo

I admit that my Blackberry addiction is a problem, but only when I'm not on vacation. I have over 300 unread messages on that sucker as of right now, and I'm not planning to go through them until I return to DC in a few days. Crackberry.com has a contest where folks can win a Coveroo case for their Blackberries. Never one to bother with contests or raffles, I just impulsively bought a BB Curve back cover featuring UCLA's mascot, Joe Bruin, dunking a basketball. Any other big Blackberry losers might want to check out coveroo.com. Here is the case I will have in a few days.

Cali Blogging: Thoughts on UCLA Basketball

It's been a strange year so far in UCLA basketball. It's always hard to watch in the beginning of the year when the team looks unrefined, and trust that Coach Ben Howland knows what he is doing and will have the team in considerably better shape in 2 months.

Alfred Aboya is playing center. I like Aboya, and he's improved about 500% since he first came on the scene. He reminds me a bit of Lorenzo Mata, but with half the heart. Which is not to say that Aboya doesn't care, and more to say that Mata had a ton of heart. But it is also because at times Mata would gleam with promise, but in the tough games late in the tournament, unfortunately Mata was just never enough. He tried so hard, but he just wasn't big enough. He couldn't always get key offensive and defensive boards. And that is the problem with Aboya -- he's thicker than Mata, but shorter. I can see already that unless J'Mison "BoBo" Morgan gets it together soon, it's going to be a glaring problem down the road.

Morgan played 13 minutes in the UCLA game against LMU that I unfortunately missed. He has looked really rough every other time I've seen him play. Then again, Kevin Love looked lumbering and slow in some games in February of last season, and he still managed to get it together and rock the tournament. I am confident Howland can work some of the same magic on Bobo. The thing is, he's good, but Kevin Love is a once in a lifetime talent and I don't have any illusions that Morgan will become the next Love. I just want him to get to a point where we can count on him in the big games. Otherwise, we're going to be in trouble.

GO Bruins!

Couch Blog: Wine and Cheese

Tonight I walked through a wine and cheese party in the lobby of my building. I didn't stop because I'm allergic to wine and to dairy. I get a rash when I consume either of these party staples. Why do people think a bottle of wine and a hunk of cheese constitute a good time? I would love to discover the next big thing in party planning. I think I'd go with some sort of dessert that also contained a small amount of alcohol. Of a booze filled burger. Either would obviously be the best thing ever.

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GOTV Blogging

I'm in Richmond, VA doing get out the vote work. The first day I was convinced Obama would win in a land slide, but yesterday we went to a more conservative area and I'm singing a different tune. I don't feel confident Obama can win here.

Jim Webb won here in 2006, so theoretically, with tens of thousands of new registered voters, it must be possible. And do I ever hope it happens. But I certainly don't think it is a given.
Here's hopin...

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Taxi Blogging

I am on my way to the airport. At the hotel, they asked if I would like to take a limo for a flat rate that was maybe $10 more than the cab price. I refused out of instinct, and now that I'm in the cab driving to the airport, I'm glad. How in the world would I have filled out my expense report with a limo ride!! Plus my taxi cab liberal nonsense can continue.

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Airport Blogging: Thoughts on Being a Taxi Cab Liberal

For a few months now, I've been telling other liberals that I'm a "taxi cab liberal". They've laughed, but I'm not sure what I said made sense.

When I moved to DC in 2001, it was popular to refer to rich liberals (who sometimes put their monetary interests ahead of their politics) as a "limosine liberal". This was a common slur in my graduate school, though that was ridiculous because most of us were broke. That was what made it offensive. Who wants to be thought of as a sell out when she's walking miles a day because she can't afford to take taxis? Who wants to be called rich when her daily food budget is ten bucks? Not me. It is part of liberal guilt -- we think we understand what it's like to be poor because for a few years we had a rough budget. Looking back, it's totally ridiculous. My parents would've sent me money in an instant if they'd known I was walking by myself all over DC and eating off the McDonald's value menu. That said, it was a matter of character to me -- I was paying my own way, and that was final.

Fast forward to the present. I am a grown up. Thanks to what I learned while in grad school, I know how to budget and to save. I own my own place. A few weeks ago, a DC based website posted about liberal tendencies in terms of lifestyle choices, and it had my name written all over it. One key qualification was living in a gentrifying area like Columbia Heights or U Street. Check.

I've lived in my borderline neighborhood for over a year. In that time, a woman has been raped in my condo building, I've been harassed by kids in the neighborhood on a near daily basis, including having things thrown at me or my head, I've been hit by a homeless man, a person has been stabbed multiple times on my block, and two teenage girls beat up a woman at 5 30 at night for no apparent reason. That's just in the 2 block vicinity of my building and doesn't include drive by's and riots against police that have happened within 6 blocks of my house, and the constant muggings.

It wasn't like this when I first moved in, but now it is bad. And so, I've adjusted my behavior. No longer feeling safe walking around my neighborhood, I take cabs home nearly every night. I have tremendous liberal guilt about opting out of the community, about giving up on it. And about wasting so much money on cabs when the metro is a block away. But no way am I risking it.

When I call myself a "taxi cab liberal", I mean that I don't want to be an example of the bad things that happen to white women in my neighborhood. I feel guilty about giving up the liberal plan of everyone getting along, of living together as a community. But I have to put my safety first.

I think this is going to become a major issue in DC. Already vigilante middle aged folks are trying to organize neighborhood watch groups. It is becoming a problem in many areas in DC beyond just U Street and Columbia Heights -- Adams Morgan, Logan Circle, and even Kalorama, to name a few. Liberals will say we need after school programs and conservatives will say we should lock every urban kid up. There is no solution without fundamental change, and one can hope that change will be a President Obama. But with the Election Day two weeks away, and with so many other problems, I have no hope this will get better anytime soon, even if Obama is elected. Mayor Fenty can't even fix this.

We've been told we should be more friendly with neighborhood teens, and say hello to them. That has got to be the most Pollyanna non solution I've ever heard.

So for now I take taxis home and avoid any interaction with people outside of my building.

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Top 5 Stupid Things Men Say to Women at a Sports Bar

I realize that men say stupid things to other men at sports bars as well. These are football specific.

1. Have you watched all the Auburn games this year?
Actually, I'm just at the bar with my Auburn friend. He's wearing a white shirt, not indicative of his allegiance. Meanwhile, I'm wearing a UCLA blue shirt, and a UCLA yellow hoodie. It's apparently okay to skip wearing a college t-shirt if you're a man, but if you're a woman, you should probably be wearing a team sweatshirt, hat, and watch. Otherwise you're just here because your guy friend is here.

2. I don't really watch Pac 10 games, they come on too late.
Okay, so you also don't read any sports periodicals, the Coaches' Poll, or any blogs or ESPN online, and have no clue that our teams are good? Didn't hear about the USC-Oregon State game from Thursday? I don't tend to focus on games other than mine and the game of the week, but... I definitely know how to read, and thus I see the other scores scrolling beneath my game every week at the very least.

3. It's a rebuilding year; it was a moral victory you lost by only five points.
Look, of course we're not going to be good this year, I get that. However, I completely reject the notion of moral victories. My team lost and it's okay for me to be disappointed when they do. For some of us, Satuday's game is what we look forward to all week. You're telling me no male ever gets pissed when his team loses a winnable game? Fumbling on the Fresno State 10 with about 4 minutes left and blowing a chance to win SUCKS.

4. You guys are a basketball school, why do you even care about football?
Yes, we've been to the final four the last three years, we are a top basketball school. Got it. I also enjoy watching college football, and expect my team to emerge as a dominant Pac 10 football presence in the next few years. UCLA can and will be good in both. Even if we went out there and got blown out every Saturday, you can bet I'd watch it. Being good at basketball doesn't preclude me from cheering for our football team.

5. I will get out of your seat when you ask politely.
You have got to be kidding me. You're telling me when you sit in a dude's seat at the bar and he comes back and asks you to move, it's okay, but a woman needs to polite it up with please, thank you, and sir? Get out of the bar, remove whatever is up your butt, and act like a normal person. No reason for you to feel threatened by a woman in a sports bar and try to revert to the patriarchy.

Airport Blogging: McCain is a Pathological Liar

No longer just the opinion of bloggers, seems like everyday McCain or his staff tells another whopper. Who is running the show there? He has gone from fiercely against regulation to a fan of stronger regulation in the course of two days! This man will say anything to win. I hope that voters can see this, can see through his lies. We are doomed if he is elected our President.

My guess is a man doesn't change his stripes like this, at his age, unless something is going on upstairs. I fear the man is in early stages of dementia. It is preposterous that he hasn't released a psychological evaluation. Am I the only one who seems the symptoms? The easily riled up anger? The changing of stories and covering up of gaffes related first to his memory and then to his short term memory. The confusion and the rash, uncharacteristic decisions made. Get the man medical attention. It's clear his campaign will do anything to avoid that, but doesn't Cindy McCain care about the health of her husband?
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Metro Blogging; Economy Collapses and Conservatives Donate to California Proposition Battle

The Secretary of the Treasury, Federal Reserve Chair, and head of the Federal Reserve in NY are taking this weekend to plot out a way to save our economy (and likely the global economy) from collapse. Hoping investor confidence alone will do it, they're going to bet the farm on a series of moves that are questionable at best. The more details that emerge, the more outrageous the plan seems. I'm happy to pay taxes that pay for universal healthcare or Social Security for elder Americans. Why my taxes will instead be used to bail out companies who weren't properly regulated and auto companies whose executives deny the existence of global warming is unclear. This is a screw up of the highest order. And it's only getting worse.

On the other side of the country, polling on the proposition that would reverse the right for gays to marry in Cali has been positive for the side that doesn't tell others how to live. So conservatives, primarily the Mormon church, are sending in money by the boatload to support the measure. With so few weeks left until the election, this is a crucial campaign issue to watch.
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Metro Blogging: Depression?

Just got a NY Times news alert that the government is buying an 80% stake in AIG and giving it $85 million. Will this be the last wave of bad news? I doubt it.
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Doctor's Office Blogging: McCain is a Liar

McCain's latest ad -- an absolutely absurd piece that claims Obama funded sex ed for kids in kindergarden -- is so packed full of lies that I wonder if there is one person in America for whom this ad passes the smell test. Like the father of two young girls would do that. Makes me think he had absolutely no hand in raising his own kids if he thinks parents would let that fly. No wonder he can't define honor. Every word out of his mouth is a lie.
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East Coast Blogging: Sports

There is something very important I want to address: being an East Coast fan of West Coast sports teams.

My life is constantly interrupted by my love of sports. I just received a text message that the 49ers have tied up their football game at 10 all with 1:56 left in the second quarter.

There are two main problems with living on the East Coast during football and basketball season (pro and college):

1. Games start so late during the week
2. Access to games is minimal

The first problem I'd like to gripe about is watching games, period. If a UCLA basketball game starts at 7:30 PST, I'm looking at a 12:30 EST or later bed time on the East Coast. I could swing that when I was 25, but I have a real job now, and it's a bit of a problem. See below for more on being able to watch the game at home, but many of those games are not televised on a channel I can watch at home so...off to the bar. Nothing like staying out drinking until 12:30 for an early January game on a Thursday night.

Last Monday, I stayed up until midnight watching UCLA's unbelievable overtime victory over Tennessee. It was fantastic. However, pretty much the next day I managed to get some sort of summer flu, and I missed several days of work. Hmm...think getting sick had anything to do with staying up late? You bet.

During the college basketball tournament, this becomes a huge problem. Games run late and before you know it, it's midnight, your game is at half time, and you're so amped up that even when you do get to bed, you can't fall asleep for hours from all the adrenaline.

For a while, I tried going to bed early and waking up early to watch my game. Please. I never managed once to get up. I can watch a game if I already know what happens, but being a sports fan, why would I want to unless it was absolutely necessary?

And access to these games is even more miserable.

For NFL games, one can purchase a DirecTV package to follow one team. I suppose if I wanted to follow two teams, I could buy two. For college sports however, the best this UCLA fan can do is buy access to the radio commentary of games, and hope the games are broadcast on the bar sports package plan every week. There is some law against colleges broadcasting all their games online (something with amateur athletes not being able to make a profit), and lord knows the Pac-10 television sports contract with Fox Sports doesn't do a thing to fill in all the gaps. If I get lucky and a game is on CBS, I can buy the right to watch it online for 10 bucks. Those games are few and far between.

Once when UCLA was in the top 10 in college football, I had to listen to the game at home on Internet radio (the aforementioned UCLA CSTV school sports plan). Wasn't a big game nationally, even though they were top ten. Game wasn't shown on FSP.

I'm not going to give up on sports, and I don't think I'll be leaving the East Coast for a while, so I've had to get used to it. I just find myself in complete envy of fans of East Coast teams. They have it so good.

Palin Blogging: Campaigning Basics

The fuss about Governor Palin not speaking with the media is really irritating. Jill Miller Zimon nails this subject in her post "FRAGILE! McCain campaign handles Palin's exposure with care...and sexism":

The McCain campaign is so afraid that she might make a mistake that they’ll keep her out of the voters’ view for at least fourteen days - when there’s only 60 days left for voters to choose.

She goes on to quote various sources who all point to sexism -- the McCain campaign doesn't think Palin is ready to face questioning, so they're ducking behind the idea that the media isn't being respectful, and sending her up to Alaska to study for her first interview with ABC's Charles Gibson. They make frequent reference to her learning at the feet of a foreign policy expert, and John McCain tries to tell the media in his interviews that she is qualified on that front because she commanded the Alaska National Guard.

Call a spade a spade. She knows nothing about foreign policy and she is going to be learning it this week. I have no doubt she will come out swinging, as much as I disagree with pretty much all of her views, she'll probably have several one liners about her views, with the talking points to back them up.

It's just sad. Again, I won't agree with one thing she says, but is she really a fool like Dan Quayle was perceived -- no. It's as if McCain is her dad. He's acting like he needs to protect her from the big bad wolves when the woman can take care of herself. His staff is becoming defensive when asked about it, lashing out and making excuses for a woman who doesn't need them.

Regardless, when she is finally allowed to do an interview and air her newly formed views, I look forward to picking each one apart.

Lunch Blogging: Unrest

Over the past few days I have noticed my progressive friends going out of their minds regarding Gov. Sarah Palin, the GOP nominee for vice president. I've tried to remain calm. Moms I know keep saying she's a bad mother. Republicans I know keep calling her "hawt".

In times like these, it's important to stay away from sweeping generalizations. She has been a part of or responsible for a lot of bad policies or laws. Not everything she touches is going to be anti-woman or anti-polar bear. There are no absolutes. I am convinced after looking at her record that she's not getting my vote, but some people don't know enough about her yet to make that decision. Just because your cousin's wife's friend who is a lifelong Dem thinks she's great, that doesn't mean she'll vote GOP come November.

Let's just take a step back and focus on what she's done. The media would have you believe her nomination means a lot of things are inevitable, but it's not true. Women will find out she is against abortion even in cases of rape and incest. People will hear how she sued so that she wouldn't have to protect polar bears. Let's pull back on the personal attacks and focus on all the real reasons she wouldn't be a good VP.

Things are not as dire as the media would have you believe.
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McCain's Foreign Policy Isn't Stellar

Senator John McCain has promoted himself as a foreign policy genius. However, a quick perusal of his record suggests he is lacking in some essential qualities necessary for an international leader. In fact, he's erratic and doesn't appear to consider much other than his gut feeling on matters that require a great deal of understanding and caution. Some examples:

1. Iraq: In the aftermath of 9/11, McCain was focused on Iraq. This is in line with Bush Administration thinking, but McCain claims to be a "maverick". Many on the left cried foul when the pursuit of Osama Bin Laden led to a war against Al Qaeda in Iraq, primarily because it was never established there was a strong AQ presence in the country.

2. Georgia: A person with foreign policy knowledge could have easily predicted a military confrontation was brewing between Russia and Georgia ahead of time, and distanced himself from Georgia before it got the idea the US would be its protector. Senator McCain, however, signaled to Georgia that our fortunes were linked to theirs, when even President Bush was silent. McCain gave a speech saying "We are all Georgians". This was such a gross overreaction to the situation, a heightening of hostilities in a battle we shouldn't have been involved in, that most called it what it was: hysterical. A hysterical reaction.

3. The Czech Republic & Slovakia: Earlier this summer, Senator McCain twice referred to 15 years gone Czechoslovakia in speeches. A sign, perhaps, that McCain is still living in a Cold War kind of world?

4. North Korea: McCain called North Korea "the greatest challenge to U.S. security and world stability today". His views toward them don't seem to have changed over the past 14 years since his 1994 declaration that war with North Korea was inevitable. The New Republic argued in May of this year that McCain's "saber rattling" was doing nothing but aggravating important relationships the US has with countries involved in the North Korea nuclear talks such as China.

Senator McCain always wants to take it up a notch, is hysterical when conflict arises, and makes most of his decisions from "his gut". If there was evidence McCain had a good grasp of the foreign policy implications of US actions, or evidence McCain understood the situations and could make a rational decision from his gut, that would be fine. However, McCain repeatedly demonstrates he is more interested in being decisive than being rational. The last thing the US needs is another cowboy getting us involved in battles where we don't belong. Having experience doesn't mean much if it means you make bad decisions. I would take experts and an informed reaction over obviously flawed experience any day.

Grief and Transactional Memory, Courtesy of The Tipping Point

I find that I read things with new eyes now that my dad is gone. A book that I am reading again for new information is Malcolm Gladwell's The Tipping Point. This book is not about grief, but it does touch on grief felt in divorces or at the loss of a family member in its fifth chapter on the power of context. In it, Gladwell explores the term "transactive memory". He notes that much of what we remember isn't actual numbers or specific details, but where to find that information when we need it (such as email addresses in our contact list at work, or our atlas for the capital of Puerto Rico). This information isn't just stored in books and computers, it is also stored in people.

Transactive memory is part of what intimacy means. In fact, Wegner argues, it is the loss of the kind of joint intimacy that helps to make divorce so painful. "Divorced people who suffer depression and complain of cognitive dysfunction may be expressing the loss of their external memory systems," he writes. "They once were able to discuss their experiences to reach a shared understanding...They could once count on access to a wide range of storage in their partner, and this, too, is gone...The loss of transactive memory feels like losing a part of one's own mind."

In a family, this process of memory sharing is more pronounced.

My dad was my go-to guy when it came to sports facts. I remember talking to him about UCLA's quarterback Cade McNown, and my father pulling out a random fact about former UCLA QB Troy Aikman that completely set my mind at ease. That is one thing I now find myself seeking out in others.

It's not just sports facts though, it is business acumen, stock trading, financial planning, communication tactics, and a whole host of other things that I run into every single day.

Transactive memory explains the loss perfectly.

Palin Blogging: Creationism

Let's talk politics. There are so many policies that Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has espoused that are fundamentally flawed, it's almost too hard to start writing about them. However, they need to be written about because they are the reasons why American women shouldn't vote for her.

A more comprehensive list is here.

Creationism, and its cousin Intelligent Design, are two dicey subjects that most people won't touch for fear of causing offense. I will tread lightly, but talking these subjects out is the only way we'll ever reach a resolution.

I actually think there is a place for creationism to be taught in schools -- in history classes. I learned about several different major religions in my freshman history class, including Hinduism, Buddhism, and Christianity. I do not, however, think it belongs in science class. It's not science.

Christianity (and thus Creationism) is a major, major part of Western civilization. I learned about it in political theory classes in college, in history classes in high school, and probably in many other places outside of school. It can and should be discussed when talking about the American revolution, when talking about philosophy, and even when talking about literature.

Science and religious views can co-exist pretty happily in America. Why push something into a science class when there is as of yet no proof it is true? Why politicize our kids' science classes? It's unnecessary, too. If parents have educated their kids according to their religious views, then the child, upon hearing of evolution, will just assume that was how (G)god planned it. The kids who aren't Christian, or who believe in other religions, won't take it as proof there isn't a Christian god. Why the story of Adam and Eve should be discussed alongside Darwin's theory of evolution is beyond me. Keep them separate and have parents teach their kids what they want them to know. It's crazy to have one religious group deciding it in one town, another in a different town, so kids all know something different.

Separation of church and state should apply to public schools too. Our country was founded on that principle. Many of the men were Christians of those who signed the Declaration of Independence, and they had a good reason for cutting religion out of public life.

Their reason was they didn't want any one religion foisted on Americans, as many of them had escaped religious persecution in their home countries. It's important that we don't lose sight of that truth as we struggle to find our own truth. Framing public school curriculum in religion goes against what our founders wanted. They knew better than to involve religious views in the public sector because it can too easily be abused.

How?

Below are a few religious views I think would make most folks nervous about what their kids were learning. Beliefs that are not universal:

1. Reincarnation, a core belief of many Buddhists and in Hinduism
2. Allah created man from a clot of blood, a belief of Islam
3. Birth and death are illusions, and sickness results from fear, illness, or sin ( From Christian Scientists, Not Scientology)

In essence, I'm saying you never know what can be inserted as "fact" and called "religion" in the future. I don't mean to pick on any specific religions, you could find questionable beliefs in nearly any religion that wasn't your own. Clearly people should be allowed to believe and worship as they please, as long as they don't harm others or interfere in non-believers lives. But children in our publicly-funded schools should be taught facts.

Arcade Fire -- Funeral vs. Neon Bible

Arcade actually has an EP that came out before either of their two critically acclaimed albums, but it has few songs that aren't available on other albums. One that is unique is "My Heart is An Apple" -- weird, but great song. Cold Wind is my favorite Arcade Fire song.

I haven't been able to make up my mind about which of the last two albums I prefer. Funeral is so good to listen to in one sitting, whereas Neon Bible I have songs I love to death, but others I routinely skip. Which is more important -- passionate love for a few songs, or a high opinion of the whole album?

Many call Funeral a masterpiece. It's hard to disagree, almost every song is fantastic: Neighborhood #1, Neighborhood #2, Neighborhood #3, Une Annee Sans Lumiere, Crown of Love, Wake Up, and Rebellion (Lies). Neon Bible's stand outs aren't as numerous: Keep the Car Running, Intervention, Ocean of Noise, The Well and the Lighthouse, and No Cars Go.

Maybe it's not possible to choose based on just number alone. Funeral also has a storyline, at least for the first half of the album. And it truly is an album I could listen to over and over. I get Arcade Fire'd out repeating Neon Bible in the same manner. I find myself skipping songs and repeating the songs I like a lot.

Sick blogging: Governor Palin is a great woman, but I'm still not going to vote for her

Having dreamed of being old enough to vote for a woman on a Presidential ticket for decades, I really never dreamed it would go down quite like this.

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is on the Republican ticket as the VP nominee. Is she a bad person? Absolutely not. There is plenty I admire in Governor Palin. First of all, she's a working mother. It's hard enough to do that with one kid or two, let alone five as she has. She went back to work three days after having her fifth. Some people use that as ammunition against her, but I don't. I think it's really something that she is that dedicated to her job. After all, being the Governor is an enormous responsibility.

Second, I really identify with her feisty, one of the boys attitude. I've been "that girl" my whole life as well. I can picture her at her kid's sports matches, cheering, as well as out hunting. It's not just for men, and she's now shown a new generation of young women that it's not even hanging with the boys anymore, it's normal. Moms care about their kids' grades and sports aptitude. She used to be a sports reporter! How cool is that?

These two things really made me like Governor Palin. I am a Democrat and knew that I didn't agree with her on policy matters, but was still curious about her background.

She served on a small city council for four years, and then was mayor of that town for six additional years. Then she was appointed to an oil and gas commission and went on to serve two years as governor of Alaska.

I understood that Wasilla was small because of its population -- now below 10,000 -- but apparently it is the fourth largest city in Alaska. There are five city council members, a deputy mayor, and mayor. The Alaska Oil and Gas Commission position sends up some red flags for me. It is responsible for managing all of Alaska's private and state-owned oil and gas, as the name implies. It is a three member panel, and Palin was appointed to represent the Public.

She attended the University of Idaho (woo hoo!) and graduated with a major in Communications-Journalism, and a minor in political science.

There are several years missing in there, where I guess she was a sports reporter. It's not really clear at this point.

Many folks have said Governor Palin is not qualified to be Vice President of the United States. I would have to agree. Her resume is pretty thin. By contrast, Senator Barack Obama, the Democratic nominee for President, has 8 years experience as a State Legislator, two in the U.S. Senate, three years experience community organizing, a law degree which took three years, 11 years with a civil rights law firm, and he's authored two books. The Democratic VP nominee has served in the US Senate since 1972 (!!!!). And John McCain is as old as Moses and has possibly been in the Senate since The Great Compromise of 1787, though he doesn't have any executive experience.

I assume the time unaccounted for could be the time she spent raising her kids. And that's fair, and it's unfair for anyone to say that the time she spent doing that doesn't count for anything. It certainly adds to her perspective in a unique and valuable way. I've heard rumblings that she was on the PTA. From what I know of the PTA, cutting your chops there does give you an edge in battling city councils and other governing board. But I don't think it's enough, as much as I want it to be. And it irks me that Governor Palin, who I want to like, was put up for this post too early. In four years she could've really accomplished some things as Governor. She could run for Senate or do other things to give her the necessary experience for this position.

I think she's a good person. I don't agree with anything she stands for, pretty much, but I can respect that she has her opinions and views and has stuck to them. I can't help but wonder why Senator McCain would've nominated her. I suspect it was because she was a woman. I hate to be a token, and I hate to see a woman like Governor Palin be a token. There are plenty of women with extensive experience McCain could've gone to, had he wanted to put up a realistic choice for VP - Senator Hutchinson of Texas, Senator Dole of North Carolina, Senators Snowe and Collins of Maine. That list could go on, these woman would be well-qualified for the VP spot.

McCain/Token '08 is step back for women like me, who want to support our sisters but won't support someone solely because she is a woman.

For more information on the policy reasons to oppose McCain/Palin, click here.

"Do You Know What School I Went To??"

It is a waste of time and energy to recount what happened last night to lead some strange woman to shout at my friends "do you know what school I went to?" after she had already called me stupid. It is interesting to think about why someone would say something like this:

1. Because (s)he is immature -- maybe at age 22, this is still a factor in someone's life
2. Because (s)he is losing an argument -- not sure where this would ever work, but maybe it has before
3. Because (s)he went to some place other than Harvard (I'm relatively certain that most people who went to Harvard don't run around shouting it to win arguments, based on the people I do know who went there) and (s)he has some sort of complex
4. Because (s)he is an idiot and thinks this proves (s)he is not

I have to say, now in my early 30's, this declaration/question/statement didn't have much of a positive effect on what I thought of her. In fact, after the drama was over and my friend and I were in a cab on the way home, we laughed and mocked this girl over and over for saying such an inane thing because she didn't get her way. I'm hoping she is young and will learn to not say this again, but...not holding my breath.

My cat went to Princeton.

Lunch blogging -- I won't vote for McCain just because his VP is a Woman

Republicans must think women are stupid. How else to explain that they just nominated Alaska governor Sarah Palin as VP despite her questionable views on just about every issue most American women find important.

We already went over this -- we don't just vote based on gender. Remember all the female Obama voters during the primary season?

First and foremost she's rabidly anti-choice. Right there 50% of women don't agree with her, if not more.

Then there is the issue of her odd hatred for the polar bear (more on her haterness). She supports off shore drilling and drilling in ANWR.

Anti-choice, anti-environment, pro-oil...

In spite of all these patently offensive positions, the GOP still thinks my only criterion (single, plural is criteria) is her gender.

We all knew the GOP was out of touch but this is just ridiculous. McCain is against equal pay for women. No chance women will be fooled because he picked a woman as his VP.

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Other Bloggers Comment on a Death of a Parent

One reason I've started writing about my dad's death, other than it being relatively recent, is to connect with others who have experienced the same thing. It's hard to find it at my age. The Internet makes it possible. Today I was doing some browsing and found this posting, from earlier this week:

I think of him, his gift of life, his jokes and sayings, and our treasure of his fatherhood. This has been a good year—he would want us to: celebrate–enjoy life–take care of one another and not be sad—and let our hearts remember and retain his humor, his light, his devotion and generosity.

The author is an author by trade, and writes poetry. I kept searching and found a woman who lost her father when she was 27, is now in her 30's and rescues dogs. For whatever reason, this bit of community reminded me that while day-to-day living is not in itself bad, it is possible to do great things with your life after losing your father.

Lunch line Blogging -- Public Service Announcement on Behalf of People Who Have Lost a Parent

I would never presume to understand what it is like for a teenager, child, or middle aged person to lose his/her father. However, I do have some insight into a person in his/her 30's. This message goes out to all those people who have a friend in this situation and don't know what to say. Please just say "I'm sorry for your loss". It is hurtful to compare the loss to your dog's or grandma's death. I've lost both plus my father, and it is completely different than the enormous loss of a parent. I know you don't know what to say, but saying nothing is better than acting like you can understand. You can't.
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Nightmares about a Dead Parent

I had another dream starring my dad, and again, in the dream I knew he was dead and questioned others about how he could be speaking with us. Kind of a sad dream, but I'm not alone. For 64 weeks, I've wanted to see him again. This New York Times article from last year has been on my mind:

Grief itself is transformative. It is a process of disassembly. The bereaved must let go of the selves they were, as well as the loved ones they have lost. The dreams we have while grieving are an important part of that process.

“Our dreams have to do with how we internalize the people we love,” said Pamela McCarthy, director of counseling services at Smith College. “You learn to look within for the loved one and the particular function that person played in your life, such as caretaking or guidance in the case of a parent. This becomes part of a function that you can provide for yourself.”

Cultural narratives in regions like Vietnam and North and South America assign special importance to such dreams and consider them actual encounters with the spirits of lost loved ones.

Is it his spirit? Only in that it is him living on in his child. The learning to do for myself what he used to do for me is more complicated. After a loved one is gone, the tendency is to idealize everything about the person. The question I ask myself is, what did he do for me, and what do I need to learn to do for myself. I know his hopes for me, but I'm still working out how to be for myself what he was for me. It's a process, and even though these dreams aren't easy to digest, I think going through them may in the end help me figure out where I go from here.

Lunch blog 2 -- Michelle Obama's Speech

Much has already been said about the speech. I won't rehash it here, other than to say that I hear women upset because they think she had to be almost a caricature of a traditional woman. Men focus more on her excellent execution of strategy -- not being an angry woman as she's been portayed. I am sympathetic to both sides' arguments, but...

I think is in unfair to assume she held something back. The point is we don't know her. We can't assume she is angry, or she is outspoken, or that if she had her way she would've given a different speech. She gave her speech with specific tactics in mind. On that measure, she was wildly successful. Even better, she allowed those at home watching to identify with her. Thst may not have been the campaign's target, but in that I think she was the most brilliant. Goodbye ridiculous elitist label.

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Watching TV on my cell phone

During the NCAA tourney this year, there were a few folks bragging about watching the games on their mobile phones. I was extraordinarily jealous and it fed into my desire to watch UCLA on my phone. I could not understand why people in Japan could watch TV on their phones and we in America can't. Turns out our mobile network just isn't fast enough for that sort of bandwidth-suck yet. The good news is Japan has decided to market their cell network abroad. Here's hoping they can help the US.

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The Convention

As usual, the convention is primarily hype. As such, am looking forward to the ultimate buzz -- Obama's Thursday night acceptance speech.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Will be mobile blogging for the next few weeks, probably during my lunch break. These posts will be easy to find, as they'll say "Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry" at the end of each one. Classy.

McCain and His Houses

A lot has been made of John McCain's inability to remember how many houses he and his wife own. Some have said it shows he is an elitist. Others have said it proves he is senile. Most agree it proves one or the other. (Favorite)

Let me be the first to argue it is both.

He is clearly an elitist if he doesn't know how many houses he has, come on. Even putting him in the class of people who have two homes is at least upper middle class. It's when you get above that level that you would want to hide it by pretending you can't recall how many you have total. McCain is not doing that. He can't remember because he and his wife keep buying homes they don't need. Seriously. Newsweek said seven residences earlier, Politico confirmed eight today. Apparently they have two condos in the same building. I'm not even going to try to pretend I know what rich people think and thus can fathom a guess as to why you'd want two condos in a single building.

Second, even an elitist would probably know how many houses he or she had because they were selected for a reason. They needed one home near to DC, one in Arizona, a cabin for vacation, etc. For most of us, one is probably the best we can hope for, near work, but... McCain couldn't remember, so he guessed four. I say "guess" because I don't think he could remember. Maybe he went back to a time when they did have four. One thing that happens when dementia starts to set in is the loss of short term memory (c.f. McCain referring to "Czechoslovakia"). One remembers things from 15 years ago in dramatic detail, but not what happened five minutes prior to the present. It now turns out four is half of the real total. There may be more to come. It's a senior moment. It shows he isn't dealing with the problems of average Americans. Let's call it what it is: both elitism and dementia.

Confirmation of Pests, and an Outrageous Insult

First, spoke with a classmate today, and he confirmed that two of our classmates completely dominate the class and ruin it for everyone else. Today I had a question and a fellow classmate who can't learn shouted until I could ask my question. Very nice.

I tried to find an online resource to guide me in dealing with this scourge on our Japanese class, but none exist.

Second, I took a cab back from class to save time. Total cost was $7.50 after the outrageous dollar gas tax for a ride that was...3.5 miles. I gave the taxi driver 50 cents tip. Apparently that was an egregious insult and he refused to take the money. He said "you keep it, I don't need it." As it turns out, that's the cost of my morning Pepsi. I took it with pleasure. Jerk.

John McCain's Current Stump Speech

If you've managed to stay awake for more than 10 seconds while listening to Republican Presidential candidate John McCain, it's pretty obvious that he's got a great speech writer. A speech writer with whom I don't agree on pretty much anything, but one who can certainly work those talking points. Too bad McCain delivers it with the same gusto I use when describing dental appointments.

I've heard bits and pieces of it over the last two days. One, he says that we absolutely must drill into every extra bit of untouched land in the United States if we want gas for less than $20 a gallon. I'm not even going to bother disproving this, because it is asinine and others before me have explored the subject in great detail. Rather, I am more focused on what he continues to say after this: "anyone who tells you any differently is either inexperienced and doesn't understand the current situation, or is lying to you."

This is basically the playground equivalent of calling Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama a "poopy head", and when Obama responds, saying "I know you are but what am I?"

I know that standards of political campaigning aren't particularly high these days, but this line of attack strikes me as particularly desperate. Does McCain really think he's going to be able to dispute every point Obama makes in each of their three debates with this little ditty? It is a weak, weak debate tactic.

I'm going to hope that McCain's campaign team are smart enough to realize in a debate, this is going to look like what it is -- a dodge of the issue. Of every single issue. But will the scripted responses be any better? What if an issue comes up and McCain has to go off the cuff?

I'm going to bet the McCain team is already dreading the debates.

Every time I hear McCain speak, I wonder what happened to the maverick he supposedly used to be.

Why Young Adults Who Lose a Dad May Not Go on a Bender

I continue to read Death of a Parent by Debra Umberson. My last post about the book mentioned her research pointed to grieving adult children of recently deceased fathers increasing their alcohol consumption. I felt this must be oversimplified because I hadn't found that it applied to me or any of the others I've known who've lost their dads.

As I continued in the book, she qualified her statement to say the exception to that rule were married folks or adult children age 46 or younger. Light bulb. Okay.

Her reasoning is that us young folks (I am unmarried) perceive the death as a warning sign that our actions today could negatively impact our health as it did our dad. This resonated with me. When my father took a turn for the worst, I did in fact immediately alter my eating and drinking habits. A friend whose dad passed away a few years before me started exercising more. Anecdotal, but telling.

However, Umberson's justification for this change was our fathers died young. I think my dad died young, but objectively, he was three weeks away from age 70. That's not really young. I find myself coming back to this point again and again, and I'll be curious to see if it is addressed in the book. While I am young, my father did not die at an unusually (or statistically) young age.

Over the last year as I've grieved his death and come to terms with it, I have considered the issue of older men fathering children. Studies are now coming out saying an older father can increase the risk of children having autism. Expect to see additional scientific research that shows the negative effects increased paternal age can have on offspring, but don't expect anyone to consider the fate of a child whose parents die when they are young. Our numbers will increase as women and men continue to start families at later ages. The battle will come down to the immediate and obvious effects such as the increased likelihood of Down's syndrome. I certainly don't think couples shouldn't be allowed to have kids if one or both breeders are above a certain age. But I will watch this ongoing dialogue with a decidedly different point of view.

New Conor Oberst Album Out

Yes, I already have it. Some reviews have said that he's trying too hard to define himself by this album, given his name is the title. Some have even gone as far as to say he sounds like he's imitating artists he wants to be like. (That was in the Washington Post Express today, but can't find the article online. Grr.)

It's true. In some songs he sounds like Tom Petty, one Bob Dylan, one a country My Chemical Romance. For the most part though, he sounds like Bright Eyes, so himself.

It's a weird album, but I have a penchant for his more acoustic work. My opinions may change over the next few listens, but for now, my favorites are:

1. I Don't Want to Die (In the Hospital)
2. Moab
3. Souled Out!!
4. Milk Thistle
5. Lenders in the Temple

My for-fun language class is turning into a nightmare

I've been taking a Japanese language class for fun to keep my mind occupied until college football starts. However, this freakish gunner in my class is ruining it for me.

Let me back up. The class is an adult learning class offered through a Japanese American society. Most people in the class are taking it because they read a lot of manga or watch a lot of anime. This is not a high intensity thing, but... for some reason my class has been invaded by this "woman" who insists on shouting out the answer to every question.

She isn't a native English speaker, and even I can tell her Japanese accent is off. So not only does she scream out sentences while the rest of the class is trying to repeat them, she throw us all off with her messed up accent.

Today, a true gunner, a guy who wants the language class on his application for law school, tried to shout over her. She looked really stupid. But she didn't seem to realize it. She continued to try to impress the teacher and the class with her great knowledge of Japanese.

Not sure why anyone would think the folks in our class are going to be impressed, but I'm relatively certain my classmates would agree with me that she is annoying, but also so desperate for attention that she dominates this class.

At this point I do most of my learning outside of class. We had a substitute teacher the past few sessions, and she managed to control the gunner by going through exercises and having us individually answer.

Going Deep into Virginia for a Memorial Service

As if I needed any additional reasons to love my boss, when I told him I needed a day off to travel into Virginia for my half sibling's mother's memorial service and scattering of ashes, he immediately said "Of course. Family first." Family first, indeed.

Decades ago, both of my parents divorced their first spouses. My dad's ex wife moved my older sister and brother to Texas from Chicago. My mom says that my dad cried many a night because he missed his kids so much. My dad was such a softie. My parents later married and moved to the San Francisco Bay Area. As a child, I just knew that my dad hated every single Texas sports team, without fail. I wasn't exactly briefed on the particulars.

I didn't really get to know my older sister and brother (technically half brother and sister, though I never call them that) until I was older. By then they had families and lives in different states, but they were always great to me, despite all they had to do. Over the past few years as our dad died, we saw each other more. I came to really depend on their good natures as things were tough, they made me smile where I otherwise would've cried.

The day after the year anniversary of dad's death, my older brother and sister's mother died. There were four sisters in her family, one died many years ago of cancer. She had her ashes spread near her childhood home, deep in Virginia near the Appalachian Trail (and probably the Smokies too). This is where my siblings' mom wanted her ashes spread. So, despite what happened in the past, my siblings invited me to meet them down there for the memorial, so that we could see each other. I am going. In some way, I think it will help in my grief process for my dad.

John McCain and Elder Discrimination

John McCain has come under minimal attack recently for having "senior moments". From referring to the Czech Republic or Slovakia by their name from over 15 years ago, "Czechoslovakia" twice in two days to flipping out on reporters routinely, the man is what those of us who have known elders would call "slipping". This is not a gradual decline.

In the PC primary season, it was said that those of us who spoke the obvious, that he's too frikkin old to be President, were discriminating against him because of his age. He's a war hero!

Yes, it is sad to see someone who was once quite sharp fade into the oblivion of old age. He's not going to be wandering the halls of his hometown tomorrow unsure of his name. He's got some time. But he's way past the age where he can be relied upon to consistently be himself.

I shudder to think of him in a high level diplomatic meeting, flipping out as crotchety old people sometimes do, on a head of state. I imagine him in a Cabinet meeting frustrated because he can't remember a word or a new capital city.

There are plenty of policy reasons not to vote for the guy, but I think his age alone should disqualify him. No, we probably shouldn't mandate a maximum age for Presidential campaigns, of course not. But we should judge on a case to case basis, and in this case, the McCain is too old.

UCLA Football This Season

This is the post I haven't wanted to write. I'm not a football expert, though I have lost my voice plenty of times as a result of a UCLA football game. This will be the first season for UCLA's new coach, Rick Neuheisel. We retained defensive coach DeWayne Walker and added Norm Chow for offense. But we don't have a lot to work with on the field. Our two quarterbacks are injured. We lost a few other players due to injury, a few to other schools, and a few to graduation.

During the Pac 10's media day last week, UCLA was projected to take fifth in the Pac 10 after all is said and done. Don't know that I believe we'll do that well.

In the end, the wins and losses don't really matter this season. There is no magic number of wins that will make me feel that this season was a success. More important is how we play the games. And that will reflect how Neuheisel and his staff do in practice. Already there have been some good signs that the coaches are forward thinking, not just thinking of our season opener against Tennessee (where we will likely be beaten badly) but of the long term. For instance, bruinsnation has a great article about (injured) QB Ben Olson's intense workouts. Neuheisel didn't praise him for those workouts, said they would definitely help him prevent more injuries, but what really matters is going to be how he steps up in the games when the stakes are high. This should be shouted from the rooftops. Practice obviously is important, but all the practice in the world matters little if you choke during the games. If we lose and the other team is just better, fine. But I cannot take too many more awful losses to worse teams (last year's Utah and Notre Dame games, for instance).

My expectations are not for a perfect season. But I will judge this year's season by how we play our games. How the players handle themselves. So far, so very, very good. There hasn't been weird bragging and bravado on the part of the players, and Neuheisel has sounded like the wise coach we all dream of...but I will wait until the season is over to make my judgment.

Bright Eyes, MGMT and Chris Walla

My obsession with Bright Eyes continues, but not unabated. It seems that other than "Lover, I Don't Have to Love", I am only a fan of Bright Eyes when he goes acoustic. This week I have found another non-acoustic masterpiece: "Take it Easy (Love Nothing)". I also bought Home -- Volume 4 this week where Bright Eyes sings with Britt Daniels and Spoon. Big fan of "You Get Yours" (can't find on youtube).

A few weeks ago I bought the whole MGMT album Oracular Spectacular on the strength of "Time to Pretend" and "Electric Feel". There are at least three other songs on the album that I love, but the album does sound oddly similar to the Trainspotting Soundtrack in some parts. The lyrics are poetic yet bitter and almost too simple on most of the songs, but the real joy of the album is the music, not the singing.

Chris Walla of Death Cab's solo album is tempting me lately. I worship "Sing Again" and have been leaning towards buying the whole album. He apparently has produced albums for other big acts such as Tegan and Sara, in addition to producing the Death Cab albums.

Grieving for the Death of a Parent and Friend

My dad died 13 months ago. I am still dealing with it, and one thing that has really helped me is reading up on the specific process of grief that goes along with the death of a parent.

There is a surprising amount of literature about this (five whole books) given that my dad did not die in my childhood. For all intents and purposes, I was an adult when he died (I was 30). Yet, because I do not have a family of my own, I feel as though he died young.

Another thing that has made it hard is our family's lack of religion. There is no comfort of a ritual after death, other than the funeral. I have thus tried to make a ritual for tough days like his birthday and father's day. I eat his favorite cake or meal and focus on the good times.

I am currently reading the book Death of a Parent by Debra Umberson. This book is unique in that it discusses more than just the grieving process. It talks about the transition to a new identity after the death. I am only 30 pages in, but about to learn the different ways the gender of the deceased and the adult child influences the grief after the death.

One thing that has already been said is that for the death of a father, because the relationship was more action oriented (such as my dad and I watching sports games) as opposed to emotionally based, many deal with the death by drinking.

I don't know what I think about this. I don't think that my drinking has increased since the death, in fact I actually have tried to drink less because drinking while sad is usually a recipe for trouble. But my sports watching has definitely gone up, while it was pretty high to begin with... My guess is the author uses drinking as a stand in for action, assuming most people will drink more. While I think the theory of action-related distractions is a good one, I find the supposition that grieving adult children are out on benders to be a strange one. However, overall, I have high hopes for this book and will continue to discuss what I learn.

The Text Message Generation

There is this silly shorthand that has taken hold of older writers who want to describe Generation Y. I missed Generation Y by only a few years. So perhaps I am just the right age to tell the world: I'm an early adapter of text messaging. I started texting in 2003. Even if you could argue that maybe texting started a year or two earlier, that still leaves quite a few formative teenage years for kids who are now graduating from college to have gone without texting.

As such, articles that contain sentences like the following really get to me:

For a generation that came of age texting and instant-messaging, driving two hours to sit at a cubicle outside the boss's office doesn't make sense if there's an office down the street.

A kid who graduated from college in 2008 would've been at the tail end of high school when texting started. Instant messaging did start much earlier, but that's half of the sentence that is incorrect. I would prefer some precision when I'm reading an article about trends for the future. If you can't get the basic facts right, am I really going to be able to count on your analysis and predictions?

Photo by: ee seuu via flickr page, used through Creative Commons.

My First Migraine

Friday night, during my friend's 30th birthday celebration, I had four beers. Nothing particularly out of control about that, had them at the rate of one beer an hour. Three Pacifico's (three stars out of five, very watery and very little flavor) and one Hoegaarden (maybe three and a half stars, although I used to like this beer much more) I woke up Saturday morning feeling like I'd been hit in the head with a sledge hammer. This I am used to, I have about 20 god awful sinus infections a year, so I'm familiar with it. I decided not to take the Excedrin Migraine medicine I usually take when I feel these monster headaches coming on because I planned to meet my friend Caroline on the mall for the OUOCS event later that day, where I would want to drink. I had a lot of water and some caffeine.

By the time I got back from Dim Sum with my college friend Todd, I was feeling nauseous. This is a symptom I never get, but I thought maybe I was hungover.

After several hours on the couch, I realized I was not getting off that couch for quite some time. I reviewed the symptoms for a migraine in my head (via WebMD):

* Throbbing or pulsating headache on one side of your head.
* Moderate to severe headache intensity.
* Your headache getting worse with routine physical activity.
* Nausea, vomiting, or both.
* Sensitivity to light and noise, and sometimes smells.

Definitely had the headache, it was getting worse, I'd closed all the blinds and turned off all the lights, could smell everything within 20 miles, and the nausea was intense.

I've always known that migraines were no joke, and that my father and sister had gotten them. But I thought with the sinus headaches, maybe I'd be spared the migraines too. Of course not. I woke up this morning with the headache still there, and took an Excedrin Migraine again, just in case.

Bad News: The Samsung Blackjack

Today at work I received some bad news: the Samsung Blackjack that I brought to BlogHer for the weekend is now...mine forevermore. I'm not what you would call a fan of the phone.

For the past seven years I have managed to avoid any sort of Blackberry-type device, and with one unfortunate request to borrow one for a conference, now I'm stuck with it. I don't really have anything to compare it with, but I don't like it.

I'm hoping to get an iPhone this week, which I'm sure will blow the Blackjack completely out of the water.

NBA Draft and the iPhone

First of all, Russell Westbrook went fourth and Kevin Love fifth in the NBA draft tonight.

Second, a few weeks ago Slingbox announced they were making an iPhone compatible version of their mobile product, making my dream a soon-to-be reality. Just a matter of getting a phone as soon after its release date of July 11 as I can. Oh, and Slingbox doing their part.

Third, I bought the iPod Touch, and it is totally useless unless you can get wi-fi coverage, which isn't too easy in DC. I'm using it to back up my photos and iTunes content.

Go BRUINS!!

iPhone vs. Mobile UCLA games

Apple is about to come out with a new version of the iPhone (should be late June), and my resolve is weakening. My only reason to not get the iPhone was that it brings me no closer to watching UCLA games on my mobile phone. I'm starting to feel like it will be at least a year until I can, so maybe I should have an otherwise useful and awesome phone in the meantime. You would think the makers of slingbox would build out a version of their product that would work with an iPhone.

The status of my search

For the past three years, I've been trying to get UCLA games on my mobile phone. For some reason, this is a Herculean task. Part of the problem is my residence on the East Coast. The rest is some combination of UCLA's inability to take advantage of the thousands of alumni who would pay for this service and the lack of options available to the biggest technology nerds. My options, as they now appear to stand:

1. Slingbox -- If you want to watch TV on the Internet, this is your service. I live outside of the local LA area, so to really have access to all the games, I would have to set up Slingbox on the cable box of a friend. More than likely it would have to be a second cable box, and then I'd need a smart phone to be able to watch it on my phone. However, the list of phones that really work with Slingbox are...very few. (More info here) Soon we should be able to watch on Blackberries, which means that this may become the most viable option.

2. CSTV.com: I'm not paying 8 bucks a month to listen to the UCLA games on the Internet.

3. Buying the games when they are shown on CBS. Ahhh CBS, how I love your free streaming video of the NCAA tourney. Unfortunately, there aren't a lot of games shown on CBS for my team. Which means this is the best option on some days, but usually UCLA fans are S.O.L. for this option.

4. Sprint sports TV on your mobile. This is actually the worst option because it's a fake one. ESPN does not equal UCLA games on my mobile phone.

5. I'm probably missing other options, and...I will be researching those in the coming months, so that I will be set up in time for college football season.